Crime of love?

So let’s start this off with a topic that is very popular in different genres of anime: love confessions.

First, a straight-forward love confession from a boy (Tomoya) to the girl he likes (Nagisa) taken from Clannad:

Next, a longer drawn out confession from a shy girl (Sawako) to the boy she likes (Kazehaya) taken from 君に届け (Kimi ni Todoke):

A few "weird" things to notice:

• Tomoya first brings up the confession facing away from Nagisa in the first scene, while Sawako puts a physical door in front of her while she confesses in the second scene.
• In the second scene there is no mention of dating or going out at all, while in the first scene Tomoya specifically asks Nagisa to date him.
• Nagisa cries after being confessed to and Sawako cries while confessing.
• Neither person confessed to actually says out loud that they feel the same way, they both show it by a simple action.

Why is it seen as such a big deal?

The word typically used for love confession is kokuhaku. This word has a few other meanings as well like confession, acknowledgement, and coming clean. It can be used to confess a crime or profess your love. Many find it interesting that professing your love is sort of equated to confessing a crime in this sense. However, it isn’t that Japanese people think of love as a crime, it is that during a confession one is sort of putting everything on the line and waiting to hear what the consequences will be. In that sense I can see the similarities of the situations and begin to understand why kokuhaku developed to have the meaning of love confession. I’m assuming this is the reason that confessions are not to be used casually. In America, when we like someone we pretty much just ask them out on a date or ask them to be our girlfriend/boyfriend. If rejected, it usually isn’t that big of a deal. Might be sad for a while, but there isn’t too much repercussion (in my opinion and experience). I guess we have a general philosophy of there being plenty of other people out there or that we’ll find someone better (or at least that’s how we convince ourselves to ignore the rejection and move on). In Japan however, it seems like being rejected is seen as a much more negative thing – hence the act making people very nervous and it being a big deal.


How does it translate into dating culture?
I would like to make the point that most of the scenes of confession in anime take place for younger people, in high school or middle school. This does play a factor in confession. As people get older I do feel like dating becomes more of a getting to know someone, then making levels of commitment sort of thing instead of a black and white “do you like me or don’t you?” or “are we together or aren't we?” deal. In reading a few blogs and forums I did find that the “confession” aspect still does play a role in adult Japanese dating culture. Most people still wait for that confession of strong feelings to really consider them and their counterpart to “be together” or feel comfortable enough to be physical (not just sex, kissing and holding hands included). Japanese women, I feel, also expect a sort of confession after an amount of dating to really know if the relationship is going anywhere.

How is Japanese dating culture different from American dating culture?

In the Japanese dating culture, the relationships are often more conservative to our American standards. In anime, characters often don’t end up having their first kiss until a few episodes after they confess, or there are some series where it doesn’t happen until the very last episode, if at all. For all ages, it is generally less acceptable to show public displays of affection or other such intimate things. There is a lingering idea that doing things so publicly is almost shameful, and people that do should be embarrassed. I have had a few classmates who have done various projects and papers on this subject. They all found that Japanese people are less likely to say “I like you” or “I love you”, or if they do they use it much less frequently than Americans. The courtship timeline also seems to be longer in Japan, going on more dates and social outings before actually considering it a relationship.


Want more information on the Japanese dating culture?
Here is a link to a blog post that goes into more detail about adult dating culture in Japan: Back to Japan
This post is written in a way that is explaining the Japanese dating culture to a Western foreigner, so I found it particularly helpful and easy to understand.

Here’s a link to a guy’s blog post giving his opinion on the tendency of Japanese people and their confessions: The Ransom Foreign Guy in Japan

I feel like this gives some good insight of how an American male might view (and respond to) Japanese women and the aspect of confession. Granted, it is pretty clear he is not really looking for a serious relationship, but I felt like it might give an extreme example.

Language Corner!

告白 - こくはく- kokuhaku

1: confession; acknowledgement
2: profession of love

Kanji breakdown!

好きです。or 好き。 - すきです。/ すき。 - sukidesu./suki.

I like you. – portraying romantic feelings

(can be used to describe liking many other things, but in use with a confession this is the meaning)

Kanji breakdown!


恋人 - こいびと - koibito
lover; sweetheart
Kanji breakdown!


彼女 - かのじょ - kanojyo
1: she; her;
2: girlfriend; sweetheart
Kanji breakdown!


彼氏 - かれし - kareshi
boyfriend
Kanji breakdown!